BAD SEX...?

Author Tom Wolfe (THE BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES) recently won a literary award---although not the kind he probably hoped to receive.

You see, this prize was for bad sex in a novel. It's organized by the London-based Literary Review and bestowed each year in Britain "to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel."

I haven't read Wolfe's I AM CHARLOTTE SIMMONS, for which he won the dubious award. So I don't know whether the sexual passages it contains are actually as "ghastly and boring" as the prize's judges declared---although I doubt it, unless they were written so intentionally, for effect, since Wolfe's normally a fine author.

But reading about the award did make me wonder: Do medical associations give annual prizes for the worst practice of medicine? Do bar associations give annual prizes for the worst practice of law? How about butchers, bakers, and candlestick makers? Electricians, plumbers, and carpenters? Receptionists, secretaries, and administrative assistants?

I could go on---but by now, you probably get the point. Creative artists, including writers, are often lampooned in ways unequaled in any other profession except for politics. This is, in fact, one of the disadvantages of being a creative artist of any kind.

The winner of the bad-sex award receives an Oscar-style statuette and a bottle of champagne, providing he or she actually appears in person to get them. Wolfe declined his own invitation---the first writer in the 12-year history of the prize to do so. Good for him. I'm curious about why his predecessors all showed up---although I suppose a trip to London that could be written off on one's taxes might not be all bad. *g*

Wolfe faced strong competition from ten other authors for the award. I wonder if they're all glad he won...?

There are some races, it would seem, where it pays to be only an also-ran.

DECK THE HALLS!

This was our week to decorate our house for Christmas and New Year's Eve. Because my fibromyalgia makes things like this very difficult for me, it always takes me several days, working a little at a time, to get our Christmas tree and everything else I do for the holidays finished, and this year was no exception.

My husband, John, always brings our Christmas tree and all our boxes filled with decorations inside from our garage, since they are too heavy for me. And he strings our outdoor lights, as well. But the inside of our house is my own domain, and every year, one of the things I like to do is a different Christmas tree.

This is possible because over the years, I've collected all kinds of variously themed ornaments and trimmings, which can be mixed and matched. This year, in honor of our newly restored mantel, we have a Victorian toy tree, which looks just like something you'd see on an old Victorian Christmas card.

We always set our Christmas tree up in our living room, so that it can be seen from the street, through our front windows. It adds to the festiveness of our outdoor lights, I think, and looks quite lovely at night, when all the candle lights on our Christmas tree are glowing and reflecting off all the garland and tinsel.

John and my son, Shane, pronounced our Christmas tree "beautiful," so I guess it's a hit this year. *g* They also liked the garland I made for our newly restored mantel. I'm making a matching one with which to adorn the china cabinet in our dining room, as well---so I guess it's back to cutting ribbon and fashioning bows now for me!

WILL WRITE FOR FOOD.

In 1989, I and four of my friends and colleagues (Janice Young Brooks, Jasmine Cresswell, Maggie Osborne, and Marianne Shock) founded an international writers' organization called Novelists, Inc. Since its inception, NINC has grown to become one of the most professional, most highly respected writers' organizations in existence. Its membership numbers well into the hundreds, and all its members are multipublished in popular fiction (NINC's average member has written sixteen novels).

One of the prime benefits of NINC is its monthly newsletter, NOVELISTS' INK, and it was the headline of this month's lead article that really caught my eye this week.

Why? What did it say?

WILL WRITE FOR FOOD.

It was a headline that made me smile with wry amusement---because as the lead article's author (Shirley Jump), I, and every other NINC member know, writing is indeed a terribly risky career and one that, unfortunately, is seldom very lucrative. Here's a brief excerpt from the article:

"Most unpublished writers dream of the day they sell that first book, thinking their contract is a one-way ticket to stardom and, more importantly, finally quitting the dreaded day job. Ha. Ha. Ha. Gotta love them for having hope, don't you?"

Yes, we do love them for having hope. But unfortunately, the hard reality is that like so many other authors and NINC members, Jump, despite having sold fourteen books at last count, still has her day job---because for most authors, day jobs and not their novel writing are what actually pay their bills. I've explained in some detail the reasons for all this in Ravenscroft Castle's Treasury, in one of my online writing-tips-and-tools articles, ADVANCES & ROYALTIES---HOW WRITERS ARE PAID.

One aspiring writer, after reading my own article, sent me a rather strident email, vehemently insisting that what I'd written about how writers are paid couldn't possibly be true, that I was simply jealous and zealous about my career and wanted to discourage any competition. After reading her email, I could only shake my head ruefully, because she wasn't the first aspiring writer who didn't want to believe me (or any other published author, for that matter), and she probably won't be the last. But if she ever does succeed in being published, she will undoubtedly be one of those who suffers a profound shock when she receives her first paycheck.

Nearly thirty years ago, I sold my first novel, NO GENTLE LOVE, for an advance of just $2,500. It had taken me two years to write the book. In case you're as mathematically challenged as I am *g*, that worked out to $1,250 a year in income. I'd like to say that first-time authors' advances have kept pace with both the times and inflation, but unfortunately, the truth is that a writer's first novel is still likely to garner just a $2,500 advance.

Many people believe that all writers are crazy---and sometimes, I think we indeed must be! *g* Except for the music industry, no other business is run like the publishing industry. There are real reasons for stereotypes like the impassioned writer, starving and freezing to death in some small, barren garret---all for the sake of the art.

Will write for food. For me and all other writers, that's food for thought.